I'm not doing well. I'm looking at porn often...every few days for a few minutes, enough to burn my heart and spirit. Yet I choose to do it.
My wife trusts me and doesn't know. But our relationship is suffering. My heart is harder and I have a hard time connecting with her. Yet she depends on me for being her close friend and lover.
If I use blocking software it seems to block non-porn sites, and I surf all the time so this is a big hassle.
I get free christian counseling but last time we all decided that until I really hate it there is no way for anyone to stop me.
I've read through the sites some folks suggested but I didn't really feel any one had the answer for me yet.
I don't have an accountability partner. I don't want to tell my friends about my problem, and someone who did not know me (enough for me to feel shame) would not be able to really hold me accountable. Plus ones who did might get me kicked out of my little christian leadership position.
I'm going to try this software called x3watch. It is supposed to send the links to someone weekly, that are questionable, that I visit. http://www.x3church.com/x3watch/
I'm going to start by sending the links to me only. If it looks good I may tell my wife I've "had a little problem" and need her to keep an eye on me, and have it send the reports to her. I wish it would send them daily rather than weekly. This level of accountability might really help me!
I wish I knew how to spark more hot sex in my own marriage. My wife is satisfied with vanilla sex and I feel bored and uninterested. I don't know if it is the porn or my hormones wearing out with age.
I'm also having a really hard time being passionate (kissing for example) with my wife. I bet she longs for it but I feel romantically disconnected. Again, I don't know if this is the result of porn.
I wish I could be free of this.
If you have stumbled upon this blog and have found answers that work for you to be free of porn and the shame that comes with it, please post a comment with your story or suggestions.